We saw the familiar black and white ultrasound image on the screen. There she was, our first daughter, bouncing around inside of me. She had a perfect profile, two arms, two legs, ten fingers, and ten toes. She was pretty perfect.
But a closer look revealed something troubling. This baby girl’s urinary system was partially absent, an issue that would ultimately complicate lung development and deem her “incompatible with life”. Instead of coming home to our house a few days after birth, this sweet one would fly home to Jesus.
Three years later we stared at the same ultrasound screen, the same familiar image. This time a baby boy with the same perfect profile, two arms, two legs, ten fingers, and ten toes.
But the same issues were present in this little one as in his big sister before him. Again our family was faced with the complications of this rare genetic anomaly and again we would birth a baby who was not meant for this world.
Broken. That’s what my babies were, in this life anyway. But I know God the Father viewed them as more than that, more than just incompatible with life. He called them beautiful, perfect, specially purposed. He formed all their parts, even the broken ones, and called them good and fearfully and wonderfully made.
For you formed my inward parts, you covered me in my mother’s womb, I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are your works, and that my soul knows very well. Psalm 139:13-14
As I processed the loss of my two babies I took great comfort in these verses. God didn’t look at my babies as less than human. He did not see them as a mistake or an experiment or a throw away person. He looked at them the same way He looks at all of His children – with a tender love in His eyes and a smile that says I love how I made you. You are so beautiful to Me …
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. One in four women in the United States experience this type of loss. The odds are high that if you are reading this, you fall into that 25%. If that is the case I am so, so sorry. I know how deeply the pain runs in your heart, today and everyday. It is no easy burden to bear.
My prayer today as we remember these little lives gone too soon is that we will all be keenly aware of what God the Father says about these babies. I want these little lives to be celebrated in the same way God celebrates them everyday as they walk in communion with Him in life eternal. And I want their mamas and daddies to know that these babies matter because they matter to God and Jesus died to make a way for them to enter eternity. They are souls loved and desired by their Creator. And for all of us loss parents who are in Christ, we will see our children again one day. One day we ourselves will cross over into eternity and drink deeply of the Heavenly atmosphere and then we will spin around and lock eyes with the Father and say, “Where are they Lord? I can’t wait to know them …”